Wave #8: Best Artists Of 2013!

2013 has been a great year (so far), hasn't it? The blockbusters were intriguing, the summer was hot, the news were full of crap as always and there may not have been so much love in the air as some had hoped, but there was something else going 'round. A muse, kissing several artists to set their full potential free.

There are numerous great musicians and bands that RULED 2013. First and foremost Lorde, who set many records with her debut single "Royals". And even though I luuurve her tracks, other artists will be named in this post as my favorites of the year.

The following artists published tracks that have been in my "favorites" playlist for several months. And that means something, since I re-organize it every week! So without further ado, here they are: The best artists of 2013 (imo) !!!

Flume & Chet Faker
This collab is a match made in heaven! The dj and the "modern soul" singer only published a hand full of tracks together at the end of this year, but still these songs amaze me so much that I had to include them in the list.






RY X
I once called RY X the 'new Bon Iver' and maybe you get what I mean by that. His songs don't need fancy beats and fast-paced rhythms. His echoey vocals float on a breeze of guitar and soft drum sounds and create a dreamlike state of peace and melancholy.






BANKS
I wanted to include something a lil' more upbeat and yet cool and fresh to the list. Oh, and also a ladaaaay. So I chose BANKS, a young female artist who's still quite new to the music scene. I think her voice appeals to a lot of listeners and her lyrics are thoughtful and real. Plus, she looks bangin' !!!






Josef Salvat
This man... Ungh. Every song he brings out instantly becomes a new favorite of mine. I love his deep lyrics, the different vibes and influences he uses in his music and, of course, his voice. It must be his peculiar upper lip that creates these vocals! I also bet that Mr. Salvat is one of this world's best lovers. Just an assumption...





So this is my list of this year's best artists. Let me know in the comment section, if you have any other artists that needed a spot in this list or if you already know next year's big newcomers!

Have a great week, guys!

Greetings!
~Maximiwax'*

Childhood Logic

There have been several events lately that caused an independent and responsible part of me to emerge and take over my mind. I got a job at my university with a lot of projects to take care of, studying itself, texts to prepare and learn for Christmas-related arrangements and let's not forget scheduling the week to have some free time / time with friends. The more "adult" things I do and the more stress I have, the more I miss the old days where the only concerns I had were "Will I get sick by eating the red Play-Doh?" or "Man, I want to see the full Dragonball Z episode, but my mom makes me go to bed at 9 p.m.!"

All of these care-free, irrelevant and imaginative thoughts one has in his or her juvenile years are gone, only to be remembered in a group of like-minded people with a huge grin on everyone's faces. There were so many illogical theories and fears I had while growing up because of the lack of background information and common knowledge and all of them amuse me now more then ever!

For example, I've always been afraid of a monster / snake / small crocodile to bite me in my buttox, my willie and/or my crown jewels while using the toilet. I'd heard of things like this happening in Australia in the news and - because lil' Max had no idea how distant it is from Germany - I thought that it could happen in my home as well. To this day, I still subconsciously check the bathtub drain and every unfamiliar toilet for possible flesh-loving creatures...

I also had no clue about the human anatomy. I knew that our bodies are made in a way that achieves a regular, warm temperature. And I knew that flowers, plants and trees could grow from little seeds. When I asked a family member what those little grains in my salad were, he told me that they are the seeds from certain plants and that I could eat them.
Well... The earth is kinda warm compared to the air above it. Seeds grow when it's warm and humid. Our bodies are warm inside and definitely humid. 1+1=2.
So OF COURSE, I immediately did not want to eat that stuff! Who'd want a damn tree to grow inside of his stomach?! Or a huge pumpkin!? Wouldn't it be a horrible death if you died of something that grows inside of you!?

The only thing that grows in my stomach nowadays is a food baby.

Another stupid flaw in my infantile logic was figuring out how to react to traffic lights. Before getting a proper teaching about road signs and shit, all you know is "Red means stop, green means go!"
And there was this traffic light right next to my elementary school and every time when my stubby, tiny legs weren't fast enough to cross the road in time, I just stood there and waited 'til the lights went green again. I guess it wasn't until 3rd grade when someone explained to me how stupid that was.

Have you seen The Matrix? Duh, who hasn't... When the first movie came out, my dad got his hands on a copy and I watched it when I was...let's say around 9 or 10. The dumb kid that I was, I couldn't really process all of the information and connections that were in the film, but I realised something - You can see the world with different eyes. Everything around you could be construct of your imagination. Every building, every person.. everything could only exist inside your head. Which means that everything around me was depending on ME. I was the force that created cupcakes, cats and carousels. I was in charge of what would happen to me in the future and why it did. Even if some of the events in my past weren't always how I wanted them to be, I inspired them, made them happen. You can't imagine how powerful and almighty I felt after watching the movie and realising my importance for the world. For the rest of that day, I was the king of the universe and everything of existence and everyone I knew revolved around me!

At the end of the day, I pooped my pants for some reason. Good thing I had some extra briefs with me, but that "King of the Universe" feeling was immediately gone.

Maybe the most disturbing memory I have of my childhood beliefs is the origin of baby oil.
It's easy: Apple pie is made from apples. A gingerbread house is made from gingerbread. And so on...
So when I first saw a bottle of baby oil, my eyes went big and the fear inside of me grew to a terrible extent. "Oh my god!", I thought, "I escaped from a factory of baby-killing, oil-making machines without even knowing it! Those poor beings are crushed and squeezed until their juices ooze out of their body into a plastic container that you can buy several days later in a store and use on one of the surviving babies. This is slaughter! This is a tragedy and nobody cares! What is this hell hole I live in?!??"
Now that I'm all grown up, I really enjoy that thought. Babies are the worst! It would get rid of the overpopulation problem and there would certainly be less heart attacks due to less stress and anger. Maybe we should rethink the process of baby oil making...

(Get it? 'Cuz olive oil is extra virgin and babies and... yeah...)

So these are some examples of stupid childhood logic. I guess everyone has a funny story to tell about his or her past and at certain, difficult times in your life - like the one mentioned at the beginning - it can cheer you up and make yourself feel better. Because, I mean, you're not that stupid anymore! Yay! Let's celebrate that! :D

... Maybe with some tasty jams? Yes? Would that be alright? Wonderful!

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~music time~

That's it!
Enjoy the last hours of your weekend like I do - with some vodka/coke! :D

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

The AWESOMENESS Of The Panda

If you could be any animal, what would it be? Hm?
Okay...
Interesting answer.
But it's wrong.
The right answer is "A MOTHERFUCKING PANDA!"

Our world is inhabited by a small number of magical, cuddly creatures - the best kind of living creatures there is, if you will. Even better than us humans! Which is why I dressed as a panda for Halloween this year. I wanted to feel special, cute and superior.

And I did.

But why are pandas so awesome? - You may ask. Well, here are a few reasons:


The panda's digestive system is actually designed for meat. But as you know, they eat leaves and bamboo.
That means that they are on a constant vegetarian diet. To be exact, their nutrition consists of 99% bamboo.
We should all have pandas as role models when it comes to our eating habits! Nobody is as fab as these modest, undemanding fluffballs!

A panda's face looks soft and round, but it sure is NOT chubby! Pandas have massive cheek muscles and strong jaws that models would die for. They can chew an aluminium dish into tiny pieces! So pandas are the ultimate munch-inators!

One thing many people always forget is that pandas are bears. Yeah, like, everything about them is bear.
Except one tiny little habit: They do not hibernate. They don't say nighty-night and lay down for a few months after eating profusely. They are up and about throughout the whole winter season! Dem pandas are werkin' all the time, honey!

Another characteristic of the panda family is that they are very social. They use scent markings, have different calls for different situations and dangers to notify their bros and gals and - which I find especially intriguing - they have occasional meetings every day just to hang out. I imagine them as the cool kidz from the zoo. You know, the kind that chats and gossips about the other animals...

If you know one thing about me, then it's the fact that I have a thing for poop stories. I don't know why...
And the fact that pandas can produce up to 62 pounds (~ 28 kg) of poo in 24 hours is just flabbergasting!
That's approximately 1/3 of my body weight!!
I hereby bow down to my masters...

The last fact I want to share with you is about their skin.
You would think that pandas have one skin tone under their fur, just like almost any other animal. But that's not true. They have black skin under their black fur and pink skin under their white fur.
They are biracial! So pandas are THE mascot for equality and anti-racism! They don't differentiate between the races!
They are black, white (I mean, we Caucasians look kinda pink, too) AND Asian!
And chubby!!!!

And this is why pandas are the most awesome creatures on this planet.
Full stop.

And to illustrate their awesomeness, here's a gif-overload with pandas being hella adorbs!

And now that your heart is full of joy and happiness, your ears will follow suit!

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~music time~

That's it, folks!
Have a nice week!

Greetings,
~Maximiwax'*

Meet Dominik! - The Cuddly/Awkward One...

Let me paint you a picture of the situation.

On a late summer-y / fall-y sunday, my family celebrated the 80th birthday of my grandma in a rather rustic restaurant. Since the 80th birthday is a huge thing for someone to celebrate (and experience in general), my grandma invited more family members than usual. Among the many people that sat on the birthday table, there was a family of 4 - a dad who is somehow blood related with me, his psyched and grouchy wife that admonished her young daughter regularly for the stupidest things, and last but not least

Dominik.

I remembered Dominik from another birthday (the year before) and his - let me say - peculiar ways.

At first he didn't talk much. But when he noticed another young person at the table, namely me, he started a conversation about school and video games and my open-minded spirit was like "Well, I can deal with that. Maybe he's not so bad."

But then he took out those scooby doo strings.

Immediately, I was brought back to my girlish roots where I, too, made bands with those scooby doo strings while watching Sailor Moon reruns (and I even acted out Bunny's transformation with the moon prism and stuff...). And then he made bands with those strings and showed them to the other family members. He felt like he's a super cool dude with those bands and how some of them could glow in the dark and others had glitter on them. This kid was doomed. Oh boy...

Anyway...

My sister and I decided to get drunk on the day of my grandma's birthday party, just because we felt like it and because it was the only way to cope with the family drama. So we chatted along in our quiet corner about topics that were not suitable for children while sipping sparkling wine and noticed out of the corner of our eyes that Dominik was listening to us. And he was laughing with us, too. That kid was 14/15 at that time, so he did not understand what we were talking about (I hope). This was the first sign of his awkardness.

And the awkwardness escalated quickly. Oh yes, it did...

Part of the birthday was a coach ride as a gift for my grandma, but we needed to wait an hour or so before the carriage arrived. So my sis and I were standing there, her arm hooked into mine ('Cuz I'm a gentleman, ya know?) and a wild Dominik appeared. And without further ado, lil' Creepy McNerdson whispered "You must know that I'm a reeaal hug bug!" (zu Deutsch: Du musst wissen: Ich bin eine richtige Kuschelmaus!")

...

...

And then he clinged to my sister's arm, cuddling up as if it was a normal thing to do.

My sisters reaction: Fear. Disgust. And squeezing my arm as if she wanted to amputate it.

(I'm sorry if this is not how you expected to be portrayed. I'm so bad with boobs, you know that...)

This may seem trivial to some of you, but at that moment, this was one of the creepiest things I've ever experienced. A 14/15-year-old cuddling up with his adult family members who he barely knows. Something definitely went wrong in his upbringing...

And that's not enough.

After the coach ride, we had coffee at the same restaurant and somehow Mr. Creep changed his place to sit right next to me.

And what did he do right before our coffee and cake was served?

He used this damn sentence again ("Max, you must know that I'm a real hug bug!") and he snuggled up, rubbed my arm lovingly and laid his head on my shoulder.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. DOMINIK!?!?!?

I said that I'm uncomfortable with him being so close to me and clingy and that I hope that he doesn't take offense at it. I think, you can imagine the awkward silence in our corner of the table that followed.

And even though I know he'll never read these lines...
This goes to you, Dominik:
Get a girlfriend! Or a boyfriend, you don't seem to make a difference there.
Just get someone and cuddle the SHIT out of that person!
So me and my sis will only touch your scooby doo hands if socially necessary (like when greeting you or saying goodbye).
Or maybe we should only wave. Yeah, that'll do the trick!

If you guys follow me on tumblr., you might've noticed that I shared some really nice tracks in the meantime. Here they are again, for all y'all lazy f*ckers! :D

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~music time~

mashup? yessss... daft punk + gorillaz? double-yesss






this man doesn’t give two shits that it’s 2013. timeless soul music ftw!


That's it for now, guys

Have a nice weekend!
Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Gimme Some Work, Bitch!

Did you get that Britney Spears reference? No? Too gay? I'm sorry... ._.

As you know, this blog is all about stories, topics, music aaaaand comics. I love doodling around and seeing how it turns out. Blergh's little brother, Bloom, is a lil' more on the creative side and he wants me to draw every now and then, or else he'll nibble and gnaw me up from the inside.

...Which is why I started taking orders for drawings from friends. And you could be my next client!

Let me show you what I did so far:


Person A wanted me to draw a hybrid of her and the actress Nora Tschirner for her blog (needyoutobeme). And after a few alterations, she seemed very happy with the outcome. Unfortunately, it looks as if she didn't have the time to incorporate the drawing into her blog, yet. Procrastination at its finest, I guess ;)

Person B suffered from the loss of her beloved pet. She showed me a picture with a very specific drawing style and wanted me to translate it to her situation (boy->girl, dog->rabbit, and so on) and that I would leave some space at the top for her to add some words. So this is how it turned out.









Person C is a good friend of mine and also a student in Jena. His neighbours kept waking him up in the morning by shutting the old front door right next to his bedroom as if the building was a tank with a heavy hatch. My task: drawing something comic-y to hang up on the door to stop them from making so much noise in the early hours.
It worked, I guess :)

Last but not least: A portrait of a friend of my sister *cough* umm, I mean, Person D. She showed me a few pictures of her friend so that I had a rough image of what the friend looks like and what kind of facial features she has. My focus went on her intriguing eye shape and her eyebrows. This kind of drawing is what I like best, because it challenges me due to alterations I need to do in order to make the picture look like the person potrayed.

So if you're thinking about a special present for a friend or a loved one and you still have no idea for a gift, why not write me an email with a wish / a link / a few pictures and get a handmade drawing!? :D

As you can see, the quality varies depending on what it is you want me to draw. But I can assure you that I do my best to keep my customers happy - if you know what I mean ;)
Just ask your dad!
...
...
Too far?
I should stop making stupid jokes -.-

... But do you know what I should NOT stop making? Lists of my current favorite tracks for you to listen to, that's right!

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~music time~

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

:-*

Wave #7: Retro Classics!

I'm taking you on a short journey of drunkenness. You're f***ing welcome, goddammit!

As I'm writing these lines/words/sentences, I'm drinking a lil' bit of vodka with a liiiiiil' bit of coke. Which equals my regular coke. And as I'm writing this very sentence, I'm thinking about actually publishing this post. But why not? It's just a
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!!!

To be exact: the 7th music wave on this blog. That's a lucky number, right?

So I've collected these tracks on (or in?) my itunes and I thought about a name for the list.
"Classics"? "Retro Songs"? "Music througout generations"? It's kinda hard to sum up the list with a name since they all come from different music eras.
They're basically songs that cought my eye (or ear) while looking through music sites like hypem and indieshuffle. I guess there isn't a word that could sum them all up, but I'll give it a try...

These songs are timeless. They make me dance and sing and swing while sitting on my office-y chair or on a train with my mp3-player and they'll always have this attribute. The ability to be awesome. The ability to speak to the listener, no matter the level of alcohol in the blood stream.
Most of them should be familiar to you via the radio. Many radio stations claim to play the "best songs of the 80's, the 90's and of today" and that includes some of the tracks below. My absolute favorite of them is "Blueprint" by Rainbirds, just because you can act it out so theatrically in front of the mirror (drunk, of course). But the other ones are brilliant, as well. Maybe, you share my opinion / my taste in music or maybe you don't, but here are some of MY favorite retro classics! :


Gladys Knight & The Pips - I've Got To Use My Imagination


David Bowie - Ashes To Ashes






Nina Simone - Sinnerman (Full Version)


Anita Ward - Ring My Bell (1979)


Rainbirds - Blueprint

 

I'm sorry about the quality of some of these tracks, but let's keep in mind that they were recorded a loooong, long time ago and that the uploaders are lazy asses who upload them directly from their cassettes (I guess)...

But hey, maybe you enjoyed some of these songs and maybe 1 or 2 of them were new to you. If that is the case, I've done my job. Educating my readers and followers about some nice retro tracks.
Again: you're welcome, goddammit!!

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

"Negative Energy" or "Meet Blergh!"

Gosh, you guys, I'm having one of my few high points right now! I just noticed that I may have consumed half of a bottle of vodka, but that the whole bottle only carries 500ml. ONLY 500 ml, Y'ALL!! That means that my body absorbed less calories than I thought! And hey, my victory dance burns even more calories! Wowza! I'm such a rational guy! EXCLAMATION MARK! [Edit: I wrote this 2 days ago. Drunk writing ftw!]

"Damn, Max(imiwax), why are you drinking so much?", you may ask. Well, to drown this little monster inside of me. This tiny, black, malicious being that developed over the past few months. Let's name him "Blergh". Blergh is my inner demon. The one that keeps me on edge, the one that makes me aggressive. The one that makes me who I am NOT. A terrible, hate-filled guy with anger management issues. 

No matter how everyday-Max feels and behaves, one little incident out of order and BAM! Blergh comes out to play. He makes me raise my voice, makes me grunt and shout, makes me say things that everyday-Max wouldn't say on his worst day!

Mean-spirited arguments and sometimes even racial slurs find their way into my reactions, even though they do not represent my opinion at all! Well, the sassy and witty comments might spring from my inner gay diva, but all the other ones originate from Blergh's dark soul...

Blergh is also responsible for my malicious joy or "schadenfreude", if you will.. His black heart regales with the suffering of others. I even find myself secretly enjoying the pain others experience while dealing with a break-up or with a loss of some sorts. Because when they experience it, I don't have to. I compare my situation with their current unwell-being from bird's-eye view and consider myself lucky and happy, then.
Me > them. Therefore: Me = happy.

I always hated these compilations of allegedly "funny" home videos where people fall down stairs or stumble over a chair, but these days, I think Blergh would be having the time of his live, if he watched a few hours of this kinda show through my eyes.

(sorry, I HAD TO use a falling baby. Just 'cuz)

Of course, I thought about Blergh's origin. And I think it kind of matches the big picture:

Me being alone-alone for the past months (or maybe even years) => Having too much energy.

And in this case, the energy is of the negative kind.

The fact that I'm dealing with being single and more or less suffering from the rejections by writing about it on a blog may seem crybaby-ish and like it's the only thing on my mind right now, but let it be said that this is not the case and that I'm alright. I'm just documenting the consequences ;)

But to everyone who is going to see or meet me in the next few months:

If you try to annoy me in any way and see this look on my face

Run.
No, seriously, run.
Otherwise, Blergh is coming to getcha.
And he's hungry for (your) pain!

-------------------------------------------------

~music time~

Let's forget about all this negativity and distract ourselves with some sweet jams!

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Gay Dating Websites

Anyone who watches "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" can understand my bewilderment about the fact that even Mama June, or as I like to call her, "Redneck Jabba", found a man that loves her.

"Sugar Bear" might not be an Abercrombie&Fitch model, but hey, he's crazy about that vajiggle jaggle!

It's nice to know that there are people out there that find their soulmate someday.

But it's also depressing to know that you're not one of them. And even more so, when you think about the Honey Boo Boo example.

As a gay man, you might not be able to find interesting, like-minded men everywhere you go, but they are out there. One way of finding and communicating with them is using the unlimited expanse of the www - the world-wide whorehouse.

Meaning: gay dating websites.

Let me get something straight (haha) before I cut gay social networks like "GayRomeo" some slack:

It works for some of the users. I know several boys and men that are in a healthy relationship thanks to GR. You get to know people on a -more or less- personal level who you might've never talked with in real life and who you might've never met if it wasn't for the Interwebz.

The anonymity, though, leads to very unidirectional conversations, most of which are resulting in sexting and sex dates. Usually, the older these guys are, the pervier their fetishes get.

When I started chatting with other gays online, I used to prefer writing messages to older guys, since they are the ones that are often interested in "fresh meat". My inexperience and twinkiness came in handy when it came down to getting views and footprints*

[*footprints are little stamps that you can "leave" on a user's profile after opening it. The user then sees the footprint next to your face in the list of guys who clicked on his profile. Very useful for when you're not in the mood of writing a message to that person]

...So there was this guy and he wrote "Hey, you're cute!"

Being uninformed about the culture of chatting back then, I thought this was a nice way to start a conversation. A few messages later, he asked me if I could do him a favor. 

He wanted to send me a cheap plastic watch that I should wear for 3 weeks without taking it off. He also insisted that I wore it while working out (HA! as if...). He then wrote, that after these 3 weeks, I should send the watch back to him, so he could pleasure himself while smelling the dirty, sweaty, musky plastic watch.

He had no profile pic (which is always an indicator for BEWARE, IT'S A FREAK!), but this is how I imagined him to look like:

But this was not the end of TwinkMax's journey in the world of gay online obscurities.

As if this was not enough of a challenge for my innocent mind, few months later, when I turned 18, a guy texted me that he lived in my area. I was a dumb little kid who thought it was a good idea to include my district in my profile, so he knew where I lived.

He *gulp* wrote that he wanted me to take a shit on his bare body every weekday at around 7 o'clock in the morning. He also wrote that he would've paid me for every shitting session.

I mean. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. ???

Scat, which is the term for this kind of fetish, is the epitome of a no-no. What's wrong with people like him? What went wrong in their childhood so that they could become people who get aroused by SHIT?  

SHIT!?!

Okay, this might be an extreme example of weird fetishes in the gay dating world, but there are other, more specific fetishes that are just as bizarre.

This one time, these two dudes wrote me. They used a partner profile, which basically means that they shared it.

Both of them did not live in my town but slept in a hotel here due to some business meetings. They wanted me to visit them in their hotel room, dressed as a housemaid (in a FEMALE uniform! And commando!). They then would lie in their king-sized bed, naked, and I was supposed to lie down between them. They explicitly said that they did NOT want sex (pfffshhh, yeah right) and that they only wanted to "play" with me a bit. I think they used the word "begrabbeln". The whole thing also in exchange for money...

I... I cannot even... I mean... I'm just extremely happy about the amount of rationality and sanity that I inherent and the fact that I never made use of any of these offers. My brain is already damaged enough! I don't want to imagine how wrecked and abused lil' Twinkmax would've become after these guys' "begrabbling" O.O

Maybe gay dating websites are not the way to go. Or at least not for me. I guess it's way healthier to find that special someone in real life.

And hey, maybe I already met my Prince Charming! On a train!

The last time I used the train from Jena back home to Gera was after an alcohol-intensive evening with some friends. When I was minutes away from arriving at the last station, this guy came through the door and he took my breath away. 

Literally. The smell of beer was too much for me to handle. 

He stood in front of me, already standing on the stairs that lead to the door of the train, leaning each hand against a wall so that his feel-good body would not stagger. His cap hid his beautiful brown curls (fingers crossed that he actually had some hair underneath that hat), his long eyelashes floated mid-air right before his dazed eyes and his pouty lips were surrounded by a scruffy three-day stubble - just the way I like it.

When he noticed me and that I looked at my watch, he asked me for the time. I told him that it was 02:09 and added a lil' "Worried that you'll get the tram, huh?" with a mild smile. "Yeah", he said. "You, too?" - "Well, it arrives at 02:10, so we better hurry!" And then the flirting began... "If we don't get the tram, I'll pay a cab for us both. You seem nice", he said..

:O

"Oh, it's okay, I got my mp3-player so walking home shouldn't be a problem. But thanks.", I said. Stupid me. That guy obviously wanted the D and my politeness got in the way!

And then we leaped out of the train, sprinted towards the tram station and in that exact moment, the tram drove away. The guy repeated, "Well, my offer still stands! I'll take care of a cab and we two can finish the evening together, if you want." With the hint of an ambiguous smirk.

And again, my innocence and modesty were stronger than the wish of embracing the tender touch of a fellow drunk. So I wished him a good night and walked into the grey darkness that is Gera at 2 a.m.

I should've joined him on his way home. I should've felt that we were made for each other.

2 drunks, 1 train. A love story like no other.

I think, I made a huge mistake.

But maybe we'll meet again. On another train. At another time. With different amounts of alcohol running through our veins. And next time, I'll take that cab with you, my love! <3

So no matter what I do, I end up alone. Because I'm too proud about the fact that I stick to my morals, because I'm old-fashioned and interested in more than just short-dated satisfaction.

There are only 3 things left to cheer me up:

- food

- long hours of sleep

- and music.

Which is why I'll now drown myself in these following tracks. Feel free to join me!

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~music time~

Also check out the trashy/cool music video here. The more you watch it, the more you'll like it, I promise! :D


So this is this month's first post. What can we take out of this?
If you're searching for love, look for a way that you feel comfortable with. And if you're afraid of weird fetishes, creepy fellas and unfulfilling relationships: Stay away from (gay) dating websites!

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

" " "ART" " "

When I was just.. a liiiiittle girl, ...I asked my mother, "What will I be?" ...
 - Well, not quite. When I was a little boy, I always got asked "And what do you wanna be when you grow up?", and my go-to answers were cook (cooking=eating=omnomnom), restaurant tester (=eating=omnomnom), interior decorator (=gay), sumo wrestler (=fat) and ARTIST.

Little did I know that being an artist means actually creating something. And being good at it. When I found out that my lazy ass is supposed to learn several drawing techniques in order to become a skilled artist extraordinaire, I immediately gave up my dream of swinging the paintbrush to the rhythm of my colorful, crazy mind. What I did not give up was the hope of having the opportunity to somehow incorporate my creative side into everyday life and maybe, later on, use it within my profession.

The older I got, the more I distanced myself from the world of art. Or maybe the other way around?
The thing is that I just don't get the concept of modern art anymore, no matter how it is realized. Music, theatre, paintings - it all just became this incomprehensible blob of wanna-be-unexpected in-yer-face "art".

For instance: Millie Brown. 
As a gay guy, I'm bombarded by the media with news that have to do with Lady Gaga. I won't talk about HER and her art, just 'cuz, but about one of her favorite artists. Millie Brown - a "vomit painter", if you will - creates art by drinking colored milk and then regurgitating it onto a canvas. I repeat: she more or less spews out a milky rainbow onto a white surface and then calls it art.
Puke -> art.
Sometimes, she even has some creepy soprano singers behind her to make the whole thing into performance art. The kind of art I hate / do not understand / dislike the most.
I have to admit that the bright colors and their fluidity work well on a flat surface, but why, WHY do you have to throw up milk to create that effect???
See for yourselves and make your own opinion:

I personally think that this has nothing to do with art. The piece, that you see in the end, demands you to acknowledge that it was puked out by Madame Brown. Imagine the smell of that painting after a few weeks! Yikes! As I said, it kinda looks cool, but the way it is created and the way it is presented as something so out there and crass puts me off.

To me, this is no art.

Talking about crass performances - there might be something even more unsettling to me. Something that I experienced myself (unfortunately)...

One or two years ago, my then-boyfriend and me went to watch "Woyzeck" in a theatre in Hanover.
Little did I know that it would be the most painful thing to watch for me EVER!

When you act, draw, sing or perform in any way whatsoever, you need to have a connection between what you do and what you want the audience to think or to feel. At least that's what I think. In-yer-face theatre (this is a real thing, y'all!) misses this connection in my opinion. It sure does create an effect, but I never understood why they do what they do in the given circumstance. It's just what the name tells you - it's in your face. Unsparing, crazy, loud, flustering, weird shit to fuck with your mind.
And that's exactly what the theatre play was. The actors were naked half of the time (which has nothing to do with the play), the doctor was a white painted, demonically acting older woman (which has nothing to do with the play), the whole thing was playing in a circus ring with half of a van attached to the background (which has nothing to do with the play), and there were numerous other failures happening. One major fail which disgusted and shocked me the most was when a middle-aged guy entered the circus ring, only wearing a huge British bearskin on top of his hat and a kilt. He walked around in circles, stomping his feet on the ground to some maniacal beat inside of his head, then stood still, lifted his kilt above his belly button and then shook what his mama gave him.
His penis.
And his balls.
For what felt like more than half an hour but what was around 5 minutes or so. But still. 
There was no sound, no explanation, just this good ol' naked fella humping the air with his dangly junk for several minutes. And the worst part: You were supposed to take it seriously. Because it's art, you know. This means something! The way he shook his shaft and jewels represented the clash of generations in our society! Yeah...

 

To be fair: His wiener was humongous. I'm not a size-queen, but let's be real - Compared to the rest of that shitty play, it was a piece of art.

Before I show you my favorite tracks of the last few weeks, let me briefly tackle the topic of internet-pseudo-art.

I can officially say that I'm a tumblr person now. And by clicking through different blogs, I noticed a weird, new trend that has to do with "artistical" posts. It seems as if our generation is in love with faded-out colors, transience, emotions and other LanaDelRey-y stuff. As soon as it looks alternative and hipsterish, it's artistic.
Let me show you an example:
Let's combine flowing color powder, a sephia effect and a powerful word that challenges or influences you in your oh so hard knock life.

BAM!

 But it's not complete! To underline the seriousness of the image, you need to add one little detail. 

A dot.

BAM²!

You get the same effect by choosing lines like "Hope. Breathe. Love." and the like.
Isn't it weird that cheesy words combined with an old-looking or emotional picture to accompany it have this kind of effect on us (or let's say: the majority of the Internet)?
If this is the future of art, I don't want to become an artist anymore. Good bye, childhood dream!

Okay. Let's see if this post's tracks are more appealing than a floppy, swinging schlong :D

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~music time~

I hope, you enjoyed this post :) If you did, like the blog on >Facebook and follow it on >Tumblr. !!

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Wave #6: Mashups (2.0)

I've already done a Wave about mashups shortly after this blog's birth, but there are still so many cool mashups that I don't wanna miss on this blog and that are worth sharing with you!

So let's get started!

Dj Y alias JY - Cro vs Bobby Hebb vs Gorillaz - Sunny, Happy (easy - Part 2)
Many of you might recognise the sound from Cro's "Easy", which is basically a sample from Bobby Hebb's "Sunny". Those two mixed together with a lil' Gorillaz action and you got yourself a smooth sound-smoothie :)


Monarchy vs Lana Del Rey - Video Games / Phoenix Alive
Monarchy covered Rey's "Video Games" while using the beat of their song "Phoenix Alive". Genius!


Phil RetroSpector - Lana Adele Rey
Why didn't I think of that?! Lana ADELE (!) Rey. so very punny and so very good! Fits perfectly!


Colatron - Hans Zimmer vs Chase & Status - Time and Time Again


DJ Earworm - Kanye West vs Radiohead - Reckoner Lockdown
...Classic!


DJ MHN - Die Antwoord vs Benny Benassi - Freeky Satisfaction
I know I'll get flak for this one... I always loved Benny Benassi's house track "Satisfaction" and I must admit that I'm fascinated by the aggressive randomness that is Die Antwoord. In the beginning, I hated that band but their unusual flow hypnotizes me. Very energetic and polarizing mashup!

 
DJ Y alias JY - Muse vs Massive Attack - Teardrop Madness


DJ Rudec - Franz Ferdinand vs Eddie Kendricks - Take Me Truckin'
Franz Ferdinand + swingin' Big Band fun = AWESOMENESS!


DOSVEC - Marina and the Diamonds vs Calvin Harris - Marina Harris
Last but definitely not least! I guess one of both songs is pitched to fit the other and at some points, they don't work perfectly together, BUT it's still a great mashup! Idk why, but I get happy when I hear this track (despite the lyrics, of course)! :D


I hope you enjoyed these tracks! There are more Waves to come, that's for sure! ;)

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Fleshy, annoying vomit launchers - a.k.a. CHILDREN!

Our planet is faced with an unbearable epidemic. Millions, maybe even billions of people suffer from it. The affliction can be found all over the world, in all countries and among every social class and culture. And while you're reading these words, more and more people become victims of this pain- and sorrow-bringing catastrophe.

Children.

Not too long ago, I was one of the infected. Luckily, I could distance myself from the harm by getting older and growing taller and therefore becoming what a human being should be like.

I've always been a very open-minded and understanding person, even in the craziest situations. But there's something about these spawns from the devil that pushes my buttons. They act like little angels, but before you know it, they change into something horrible! They become tiny ghouls from hell, crazy Gollums of fear and desaster.

A few years ago, a little kid named Max (great, a namesake -.-) got overly excited and psyched and threw an extremely heavy keychain at my head - I guess to get my attention. All I got from the hit was a little bruise on my forehead. But the fact that this Mini-Me on crack had the NERVES to throw a hard object at me got me so angry that I shouted at him in my Serious-Hulk-voice, which I never used ever since. Friends told me afterwards that they never saw me this enraged ever before. This experience definitely had an effect on how I think about children and since that incident, kiddies are on my red list.

Whenever I see a child or several children at once without a warning, I freak out. I don't want them near me, I don't want them to breath the same air as me, I don't want to share a room with them, I want them inside their homes, faaaar away from me. I always feel the urge to hurt them in a way, even if it's only by saying that Santa isn't real. It's just like pokémon. A wild child appears, so the inevitable reaction is to throw a pokéball at it, right? And if the pokéball happens to be a book, a plate or a rock, then so be it.

My disgust towards them gets a little out of hand sometimes, which is why I associate everything that is nasty, gross and irritating with them.
The younger, the worse.

Babies are the worst of the infected. They shit, they barf, they drool, they scream, they stink and they can't do anything by themselves except for being annoying. They are like pink slime balls with eyes. Like disgusting, babbling snot-making-machines. They're just blegh.

To be fair, people like them for a reason. They CAN be adorable at times... and when a little human-thingy smiles at me with its big doll eyes that sparkle with the innocent joy of life, something in my belly goes "AAWWWWWWW!!!"... But the GOSH-IT'S-SO-CUTE!-paralysis doesn't take longer than a few seconds..

Maybe it's the responsibility that scares me. Because they are so clumsy and unknowing, they need someone around them all the time. And I don't know if I could take care of a fragile flesh-ball. I also don't think that I'd be a good father. My kids would suffer, even if I tried my best to keep 'em happy/alive.

Lion King gone wrong.

I guess I need to find a pressure-release-valve for all the negative energy that I got going on. If I don't, kids might get hurt. Like, for real. Don't let them near me!

...
...
...
Oh, can you hear that? I think it's the sound of a sudden and presumptuous change of the subject!
Or maybe one of the following tunes. Let's find out! ;D

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~music time~

Make sure to like this blog's Facebook page and, depending on where you follow the blog, to check out its tumblr. and blogspot version!! ;)

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Fear and Feels

what? WHAAAAA-?? ... TURN OFF THE FAAAAAN!!!!!

That's better. You're really suffering from the heat, aren't you? Yeah, I hate it, too. Summer itself, of course... Isn't it weird that the human race still depends on mother nature to such a large extent, even though our technology enables us to fly to the moon, create edible paper and produce/use radio waves? (#holyshitSCIENCE) It's scary how much our environment controls our everyday life!

But I guess there are a lot of things that scare me. Too many, to be honest.

I find myself being afraid of the dark, recently. That's strange, right? A tall, broad-shouldered male adult who sees things in dark places where there are none and who shits his pants due to fear because of them. And even strangerererer: I'm even more easily scared when I'm under the influence. Of whatever substance. *cough*

It often escalates into extreme paranoia.

Since most of my friends don't live in my hometown Gera anymore, I always need to go to the train station and take the train back to where I live. And needless to say, it's always dark as f*ck when I'm wandering around.

Every *pling* could be a gun, every *crack* could be someone ready to stab me to death, every shadow is a man with a huge kitchen knife (I hate knives) and/or a creepy Asian puppet-thingy that looks like the girl from 'The Grudge', only even creepier and even more child-like. God I hate those!

Children, I mean.

So I usually go nuts with my cellphone or flashlight, twisting my body so I am able to light every passage, as if danger could be killed by a beam of light from my illuminating device.

And it gets worse...

Once, a friend of mine and I went for a ride in a haunted house. It was severely boring and lame, but I still used the hands-as-holey-curtains-trick. The one where you hold your hands in front of your eyes and only peek through the slits between your fingers.

So my friend thought it would be funny to scare me in this state of anxiety and all she did was say "Boo!". It was only a stupid "Boo!" and if I remember correctly, people outside the haunted house were able to hear me screaming and squealing like a little baby pig.

Oh, the shame...

I guess you know the Paranormal Activity movies (?) I saw P.A. 3 with some friends in the cinema. The movie itself was okay and the scary parts were manageable, mainly because you're surrounded by tons of people who are as frightened as you are. (The movie is way scarier in the cinema, trust me!)
And then THAT scene came... This stupid-ass blonde chick who was hired to babysit in this hell hole of a house had the nerves to hide herself from the camera, only to jump in front of it and scare the parents (or whoever watches the tape - us, the viewers). The dumbest way to scare someone, one of the dullest things that can happen to you as a viewer in a horror movie.

And what did I do? Yes, use my god-given vocal cords of destruction and scream from the top of my lungs.

 (too lazy to draw the other viewers. I think, you get the point)

I was the only one who screamed, I think. Imagine a room of maybe 200 people collectively turning around to see who screamed that loudly at this stupid part of the movie.

SO embarrasing!

Oh, the shame...

And due to current matters, let's not forget another type of fear. Beware, it'll get slighty emotional.

To sum it all up, I created a new fear for myself. The fear of getting friend-zoned.

No matter what I do, I'm getting friendzoned. "Max, you're funny and a really nice person (ugh)

but I just didn't feel that 'spark', you know?"

(EDIT: Just skip to the music part of this post if you're annoyed by this. I'm using this blog as autotherapy again ^^'')

I did not have many dates in the past few years. I always wait and chat for several weeks or months with a guy before I meet him in real-life, just to make sure I won't meet up with a freak. The "goal" of these first (")dates(") is only to get to know the other person better. At least that's what I intend with a first date. Obviously, other guys want sparks and flames and fireworks and butterflies and chemistry and all that shit riiiiight from the get-go.

Friend-zoning is a vital thing to keep yourself distant from a person that you think could get too attached to you. It's totally okay if there is no "spark" right from the beginning and it's good to let the other person know how you feel. I just don't get why I'm always the one getting the friend-card. And why I'm the one who always has other intentions than my date-partner.

It's making me numb, really. The constant denial that I experience shatters my self-esteem and drains me out. Not only do I fear getting friend-zoned, I also fear that my big, cholesterol-clogged heart gets a fuck-off attitude.

Oh, the feels...

Forget about that last part! ... Life is good. And stuff. Let's listen to music, instead! :)

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~music time~

Let's hope that I'll get my hopes up high as temperature goes down.
First of all, let's hope that they do go down eventually! Damn, sun, don't troll us anymore! >:(

Enjoy the rest of this hot, muggy week, guys!
Greetings
~Maximiwax'*