Tiny Hand

2015/07/02

We Can be Heroes

[DISCLAIMER: I had to change the background color to white to make this post work. F-ing transparency. You'll see what I mean...]

When doing smalltalk, I like to spice things up a bit. Get a bit random. Ask some silly questions and then analyze the answers. It's a good way of getting to know someone. Hard-hitting facts and opinions will only go so far - it's the blabbering that lets you get inside the heads of others!

Some examples for this (you may call it) "technique" are:
If you could be an animal, which animal would you be? (I know this is a lame one, but it gets the ball rolling)
When you dream, do you see everything from your point of view or are you watching what happens as a spectator?
And the famous one
Do you think you see the color "red" the same way I see it?

But my favorite question would have to be If you could have any superpower you want, which one would you choose?
"Why," you may ask? Well, for one thing, because that's one of the questions I asked my boyfriend on our first date (and it seems like it didn't scare him off) and also because YOU GET A LOT OF BULLSHIT ANSWERS!
But let's get back to that later...


With each day that passes, I continue to realize that it's about the little things in life, no matter what circumstance. Not only to enjoy, but also to hate and envy.
Some people just seem to be born with a cheat code, leveling up as they go and being on top of their game all the time. They can do tricks, are smart, got money, look like models and are just a pain in the arse for visually-handicapped fail-monsters like me. I hate them. Even more so, I sometimes don't think they deserve how lucky they are.
Every time I take the train to Jena, I'm overwhelmed with the multitude of beautiful dipshits that grace the earth. *cue "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson* To me, they seem like superheroes of their own kind. Their superpower is to be better than me. Their weakness: unknown.
Especially now, in the summer time, the dudes are ripped as f*ck and do not seem to have any pores on their faces, let alone blemishes. Like, imagine if someone could look like bacon tastes! (Unless you're a vegetarian)
They wink and an angel gets it's wings. They smile and a homeless person finds some cash on the street. They flex and a volcano erupts. I hate them.
Same goes for the ladies. They are tan, their hair looks like they JUST went to the most expensive hairdresser they could find, their eyebrows are on fleek, their curves could make the number 8 jealous - and they didn't even try to look that good. I hate them.
Meanwhile, the rest of us get out of bed looking like the Scarecrow from Batman, Freddy Krueger and a pile of vomit had some kind of freaky threesome baby with some chromosomes missing. And we try, oooh we try, to look somewhat publicly acceptable by putting a lot of work into our appearance, but without success and with an outcome not nearly as polished as the ones from madames et monsieurs parfait.
Thank god there are pro-fat, pro-"be yourself and have flaws" and pro-"dad bod" movements right now!



But back to the real "superpowers"...

The answer I get the most to the question "Which superpower would you like to have?" is "I wanna be able to fly!"
...
Let that sink in for a moment.
You want to float a few feet above the ground. Levitate. Play Helicopter or some shit. Sure, ok.
That's the most boring answer anyone could ever give to this question!
Not only does my not-based-on-any-records-chart show that approximately 80% of all people give this answer, which makes it even more bland, but it also shows the uncreativity of the people asked.
Think big, people! How could you benefit from flying around? Is it the tickle in your stomach that you want? The amazing view that you can also get by looking at a postcard or viewing a documentary on mountains or rivers or whatever? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, motherfucker, it's just a person suffering from lameness...
We all know what happened to Icarus.
What a dumbass.
You don't want to be a dumbass, do you?



The first thing I think about in this context is "What kind of badassery would be useful for ME?"!
Several criminal applications come to mind. As un-self-centered as I am, I still want to get something out of this gift that I can choose for myself!


As a little kid, I was fascinated with Midas' golden touch. Sure, it was this power that led to terrible things: he turned his daughter's ass into gold, he couldn't eat or drink, and I bet he cried a lot because of that, which might be damn painful. Metal tears and all. But he solved his problems eventually. Except for his daughter. She was still dead. Oh, and he somehow got donkey ears. But what I got out of this story was "touch thing, thing turns into gold, gold is good, no consequence!"
I somehow seemed to miss that part with the eating and stuff. But hey, bling-bling all the way!
It is obvious what I wanted to do with this superpower when I was little. Get rich, bitch! DUH. But on second thought, maybe I would've found some other use for the golden touch...
Nowadays, I might give a different answer to said question.
I guess telekinesis may come in handy. Moving stuff without the need to move yourself? COUNT. ME. IN.!
Another pick for "favorite superpower" might have to be intangibility/invisibility. Both of them would feed my criminal nature. Think of all the possibilities, all the banks you could rob, the diamonds you could steal, the people you could scare! And let's not forget the things you get to see when sneaking into somebody's room! I would use this gift for NO good reason, whatsoever!!
 photo 002_zpssu3qemn7.png 
My master pick for the ultimate superpower, however, is controlling time. Not in a time-travel kinda way. I mean, who really understands how time-travel works? Every movie I've seen so far that involves this topic is either stupid or confusing.
What I mean is stopping, slowing, rewinding and fast-forwarding time. It has all the benefits of invisibility/intangibility PLUS infinite chances to try again and to fix a fuck-up.
Don't know the answer to a question in your test? BOOM, stop time, look it up, resume.
Said something stupid in front of your crush? BOOM, rewind, rethink, rephrase.
Having a killer trip but only 2 hours left until you don't feel a thing anymore? BOOM, slow down and enjoy.
If this exceptionally good answer doesn't BLOW YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF, I don't know what will. And if you don't have a dick, this answer is SO good that it will sew one on and then IMMEDIATELY blow it off! SHIT YEAH!
Problem is, that you might continue to age while you're experiencing time in a slower manner. Or if you stop time to steal something or hit someone, for instance. But in a perfect world - and I mean, it IS a perfect world where you get to choose your superpower - this wouldn't apply. Right? Yeah, Thought so.

But as I said in the beginning, it's the little things that count.
Some people are able to draw perfect circles by hand. Some are artists with so much talent you shit your pants when looking at their paintings and pictures or hearing their songs. Some are brain surgeons who save lives. Maybe there are PERFECT kissers out there or men that TRULY deserve "Best Dad!" coffee mugs.
Maybe they are superheroes in their own rights.
And if extreme mediocrity could be seen as a superpower, as well, then maybe I'm a superhero, too...



----------------------------------------------


~music time~

2015/02/15

Snow Why-not?!

I thought about ideas for a new blog post since my former a-new-blog-post-every-other-week-plan didn't work out as well as I had hoped. As you might've noticed, I'm a lazy fuck when it comes to updating this pure GEM of a blog. I consistently find new music, but my writer's block is as annoying as volcano zits on picture day. A few days ago, however, I listened to one of Kimbra's newest effusions of her crazy, new-pop mind, "I'm Wishing", a cover of the Disney classic from the movie 'Snow White'.
Not only is it a really good, vamped-up and sensual version of the forgotten musical treasure, it also helped me with my creative embargo. Immediately, the diffuse visions I had in my head took shape and developed around the Snow White theme. And I thought to myself, "Snow White? Snow Why-NOT?!" [get it? haha very laugh much funny]

I may or may not have mentioned in the last post that I started working in a clothing store in my city. Apart from some minor mishaps, everything went alright so far and I'm glad that I can earn some money on the side. My co-workers are nice, too, buuuuuuuut...
And this is where I start with something that I've noticed several times already. A situation so weird to be in, you don't know whether to cry, to politely smile or to punch someone.

Just to be clear, I was feeling a bit under the weather, lately, including a few days of sickness. But overall, I'm as healthy as it gets, rosy cheeks and all! One day, a friend of mine invited me to her birthday party, but unfortunately, I had to work 'til 8 p.m.. I wanted to arrive at my friend's party on time or maybe just a few minutes late, so I feigned to be sick. I held my stomach, asked for a headache pill and went to the toilet quite often. It worked! They thought I was super ill and said that the shop wouldn't be that busy atm and that I could go home and lay down. Because - and here it comes! - "You look really sick. Very pale, too. I'm worried for you! Get some rest and let us know if you are able to work in a few days, Okay?"
I was feeling rather fine at that moment and they said I was looking like death himself!
I composed myself and kept acting like the sick person they thought I was. But on the inside I was dissappointed, hurt and - I don't know why - angry. They just stepped on my self-esteem, gave it a kick in the side, spitted on it and said farewell. Throughout my whole shift, I thought I was engaging, radiating and appealing to the customers. And now my colleagues basically told me that I had a huge booger of uglyness all over my face the whole time! I didn't know I looked like a corpse until they told me so...

I wonder how Snow White would've reacted if the dwarfs made such comments about her appearance when she was in that glass coffin...
Yep, like that...
Here's a tip: A sick person doesn't want to know how sick he or she looks. Not cute.

Aside from my work, I haven't been very busy the last few months. The worst part about procrastinating - which I now realise is a VERY common concept in my blog posts - is that the worries and increasing pressure of actually doing the thing paralyze you even more, making you unable to do the thing beyond your initial paralysis.
Oh, I should do the thing. Nah, I'll just watch some more videos and eventually do it.
Hey, some hours have passed. Should I do the thing now? Yes I should. Will I do it? Hm, maybe after a bit more binge-watching of my favorite show.
Oh fuck, I really should do the thing. It's too late to not do it. But I don't have enough time. Or the drive. I can't do the thing now, anymore. Byebye, thing. Someone else must do you now, I guess...

The dwarfs in the Snow White story were very busy little bees. They didn't know why they worked in those diamond mines, but they did it anyway. If I were a dwarf, I'd be both Sleepy and Dopey. Lazy and stupid. But even these little fellas did their work! Imagine the dwarf gang with a really lazy member:
You get 500 valueless points if you get that reference!
Checking your tumblr, looking for some updates on your favorite OTP, answering your emails, chatting with strangers, watching How-Tos and Let's Plays on youtube and keeping up with current pop-culture phenomena is extremely time consuming! And, for me at least, essential for my well-being and a carefree mind in this dark and twisted world we live in! I guess my fellow dwarfs would either kick me out of their cottage, force me to do my work against my will or just let me be the worthless dwarf turd that I am, alone in my filthy bed next to their tidy, little row of 7 perfectly-made beds.
I bet those suckers bribed the birds and Bambi's mother to make the beds for them. Fucking little shits...

And because yesterday was Valentine's Day and the fact that I had (or have) a Valentine - or is it a "Valentino"? And if so, does he come with a designer bag without me knowing? - I had to include the prince.
Get ready for some kitschy, heart-eyed rapture.
Think about this: In the movie, the prince, Florian, kissed a corpse. At least he thought Snow White was dead when he pressed his lips against hers. How romantic and, at the same time, disgusting is that? I mean, yeah, I guess he heard about her soft, white-as-snow skin, but in the end she must've looked as sick and pale as I OBVIOUSLY did at work! (Thanks again, co-workers!)
He instantly fell in love with her beauty and after the incident, they married and lifed happily ever afterblahblah. You only get this kind of ending in a fairytale...
And that's where you're wrong! My dude, tall, strong, masculine, warm-hearted and ingenious, did basically the same thing. Corpse-y Max seems to have enchanted this attractive specimen. Don't ask me how I did it, but something must've worked. And I know how I look in the morning. I know how annoying I can get, I know how silly I tend to be, how many things I use to forget, all my bad habits and everything that should repel every human being with a bit of intellect and some standards. But here we are, two as one, buddies with feelings, cuddle partners and much more. It's a fairytale in itself, really.

I know how disgusted you are now, which is why I want to distract you from all the cheesyness with a 20-track playlist of my favorite tracks from December, January and February (thus far).
Enjoy! (And please share it [meaning the blog post and/or the playlist]! Some support would be appreciated, goddammit!! :P)
Happy Not-Valentine's Day!
Treat. Yo. Self!
(Another 500 points if you get the reference again)