Tiny Hand


Ouch, that HURTS!

When I looked into the mirror the other day, I checked out all the scars I have and remembered how much pain I endured during the surgeries and afterwards. I don't even know how much there are anymore, because I keep missing 1 or 2 of them all the time.. Even though each scar is a different memory, they add up to a pile of flaws that lay on top of all the other flaws I have, which - again - brings my self-esteem to a new low-point. Damn you, beautiful male models and porn stars, for your perfect skin and your chiseled bodies!

The worst thing is that I can't do anything about it. These tiny, benign tumors keep coming back because of a gene defect, which basically means that every now and then I get a new one for my "collection". My body is more or less my worst enemy. It hates me and I often hate it back.
(more or less accurate..)

I feel like Chucky, the 'murderdoll'.
Good thing is that I can cope with pain quite well. I never cry (pain, songs, movies, etc) and I'm not whiny about the pain I feel. Most of the time.

There is one type of pain that I can't stand. Do you know these liiiiiiittle wounds on your hand or somewhere else that look as if everything's fine? And if you talk to a friend about it and show him or her what it's about, you'll hear "well, it doesn't look that bad"....BUT IT FREAKIN' HURTS! How come that a wound this small can hurt that bad??
And if you try to do something about it or get rid of it, it feels like this one scene in "Black Swan" where Nina, the ballerina (haha, that rhymes!^^) pulls the skin from her finger. Ouchies to the MAX!

Anyways... I still hope there is someone on this planet that can see past all my flaws. Unfortunately, gays are some of the most superficial people out there. But maybe there is some sort of ...scar-fetish??? *fingers crossed*

~music time~

Florrie - Live A Little
I know that this song is pure pop, but somehow the trumpets make it kinda fresh. Plus, it reminds me of Wiley's video for Numbers In Action...
Black Light Dinner Party - Lift Away

Owlle - Ticky Ticky

MASHUP: ViC - Yelle on the World (Yelle vs The Soubert Singers)

 Findlay - Off&On

I hope you like my choice of tracks, again :)
And let this be a lesson to you: Don't let the media brainwash you! Perfection is boring, flaws bring character and uniqueness!


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