Tiny Hand


MaxVentures Through Hell!

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Select your player!
You chose: Maximiwax - The Uselessness Mage!

Choose the difficulty level!
#Literally Heaven (Easy)
#Some kind of town, like, with a nice neighbourhood but with many grumpy elders and only few parking spots (Medium)
#Hell (Hard)
You chose: Hell - HARD MODE!
[Why the heck did you do that, you dumb f*ck? You could've just...aaaaah, forget it. Good luck, moron!]


Hello there, young stranger! You seem to be new here.... You look like an adventurer.
I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow right into my d---Well, never mind.
This crippled figure you see in front of you is all that's left after a hard journey through Hell. Well, actually, I moved to Halle, which is its original name, when I heard an old myth about an ancient "master power" that you inherit once you defeat the MASTER himself. Many hopeful adventurers come here every year, trying their luck with fate, overcoming challenges and finally gaining the master power. I thought, if so many others went along this path before me - successfully - , it may not be that difficult, that I could study enough spells and defeat enough monsters to be the most powerful version of myself and ready for the ultimate master power... But I'm still far away from it. Sure, I grew stronger and stronger, but Halle - or, rather, Hell - takes its toll on you, my friend! Let me tell you my story and what it is that you will face - in case you persevere and survive...

Do you want to skip the tutorial/prolog?
[Yes / No]
[Yes / No]

I travelled a long way to get here. I was born and raised in a small, nice village, which, at first glance, looks a lot like Hell. When I noticed that I was receptive for magical powers and skills, I decided to broaden my horizon, and this is where my fate brought me. Unfortunately, I might add. I tried to adapt to Hell's ways and become one of Hell's people. But these Hellnaws* are of a special kind.
[Hellnaws, or Awwwwhellnaws, are NPCs. Click the icon above their head to talk to them and get quests. Interacting with Hellnaws can give you XP and +Charisma, but certain Hellnaws have a grey glow around them. Stay away from these Hellnaws or they infect you with stupidity poison, which deals stultification dmg over time.]

My first days in Hell were especially hard. I was all alone in my little hut, left with nothing but the sound of my own voice, a bed and water that gave me diarrhea. I was still too inexperienced for the dangers that lurked outside, so I had to deal with what I had. And this is where I met my first enemy:
Diamond Von Wall-Nut.
[An adventurer needs a place to come home to, to rest and regain stamina. Lie down a couple of hours to recover +Health and +Sanity. But choose your sleeping time wisely! (Awwww)Hellnaws will try to wake you up in the middle of the night with screams, shooting sounds and explosions! This will decrease the sleeping time you will get! Alcohol can help you with a sound sleep, but gives -Health and -Intelligence.]
I thought about changing things up in my hut, so I bought a drill to make some holes in the walls. I guess I woke up an ancient jewel monster by trying to perforate my hut's walls, because what I encountered was Diamond Von Wall-Nut, a stubborn, impenetrable tank-type. Neither steel nails nor my drill could do anything against its will, let alone its body. Diamond Von Wall-Nut seemed to reinforce more defense power the more desperate I got. At one point, I used my whole body weight and drilled for minutes and minutes without any success. Fortunately, I upgraded my drill into the "Super-Diamond-Drill of Destruction" [Rare Item] and was therefore able to defeat my first enemy! But this upgrade was done weeks later. In the meantime, I tried to stay away from Von Wall-Nut as far as I could and come to terms with what I had: a hut without a fireplace, a counter, shelves or decoration. Just a plain old hut with a bed, a toilet, a cooling-machine and some power outlets. [Power outlets are essential on your path. Keep an eye out for them and use them as often as you can! +Energy, +Distraction]
But without any furniture with some surface area on it, there was nothing to be done cooking-wise. For a whole week, I subsisted on instant noodles, which I cooked with the water that I boiled on my toilet seat. So I ordered a simple mini kitchen. Suddenly, this kitchen turned into my next enemy:
Mrs. Bitchin' Kitchen.
With my strength at that point in time, I was nowhere near strong enough to defeat the Mrs. alone. Even before the actual battle, I had extreme difficulties getting her parts into my hut. So I hired an experienced soldier who specialized in kitchen annihilation. Sure, that fellow was as smart as a brick, but he helped me out with her parts and even ganked with me on Von Wall-Nut here and there with his equipment. The Mrs. used "Uneven Diamond Walls", "Questionable Oddments" and "Heavy Weight" on us and got an extra complication buff from Von Wall-Nut, but we finally defeated her with my Super-Diamond-Drill Of Destruction and the soldier's assembling spells, gaining extra XP for the team fight.

I was able to put stuff on my walls. I could cook meals without using my toilet. AND I came to terms with my general situation. Sounds like perfect conditions for me to fight my way to the ultimate quest: getting dat master power. But there was one monster-duo that kept me from getting there:
Electrishitty & Aqua Fuck'Ya.
Both of them tag-teamed me for several weeks, sometimes taking turns, but most of the time they acted as one. While Electrishitty blew out all the power sources in my hut, which I DESPERATELY need (for, like, doing my hair, working with my space portal [computer], having fresh food and ingredients and, most importantly, not sitting in the goddamn dark - in the wintertime!!!), Aqua Fuck'ya finished me off with an undrinkable, yellow-ish liquid, which, as I said, gave me the shits (-Health, but +Appearance), and an everlasting ice-fountain where warm water should be.
I was a wreck. I was destroyed. I used all of my resurrection scrolls to get me through those tough times. I contacted Hell's priests and blacksmiths, but they were of no help at all. All I could do was wait. And wait. And wait. While my outward appearance started to match my internal withering. But my endurance and will power payed off! After their gang rape, they just disappeared into nothingness, maybe haunting another adventurer's hut to this day. 

As you can see, there will obstacles on your way that you cannot overcome by simply defending yourself. You need to grow strong, to reflect on what is important, to pray and keep your sanity.
Hell is... a dark place. In many ways.The Hellnaws might be helpful one day, but useless or even hurtful on another. I don't even know what the MASTER really looks like or if it is possible for me to face him in the near future and get the master power. But maybe you can defeat him.
So focus on your main quest!
Try out new things!
Learn how to prove yourself in this hopeless world!
And most importantly: Become, what you came here for - an independent warrior, fighting his or her way through the hurdles of life.
I hope you know what lies ahead of you...
It's dangerous to go alone.
Take this!
[Player 1 got ADVICE!]
[Open ADVICE?] 
[Yes / No] 
It says:
DON'T DO IT! DON'T GO! Go home, for christ's sake! 
You idiot chose the Hard Mode! 
Just restart the game and choose "Easy". Got that? "EASY"!!!

[Yes / No]
[Yes / No]

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~music time~

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