Fleshy, annoying vomit launchers - a.k.a. CHILDREN!

Our planet is faced with an unbearable epidemic. Millions, maybe even billions of people suffer from it. The affliction can be found all over the world, in all countries and among every social class and culture. And while you're reading these words, more and more people become victims of this pain- and sorrow-bringing catastrophe.

Children.

Not too long ago, I was one of the infected. Luckily, I could distance myself from the harm by getting older and growing taller and therefore becoming what a human being should be like.

I've always been a very open-minded and understanding person, even in the craziest situations. But there's something about these spawns from the devil that pushes my buttons. They act like little angels, but before you know it, they change into something horrible! They become tiny ghouls from hell, crazy Gollums of fear and desaster.

A few years ago, a little kid named Max (great, a namesake -.-) got overly excited and psyched and threw an extremely heavy keychain at my head - I guess to get my attention. All I got from the hit was a little bruise on my forehead. But the fact that this Mini-Me on crack had the NERVES to throw a hard object at me got me so angry that I shouted at him in my Serious-Hulk-voice, which I never used ever since. Friends told me afterwards that they never saw me this enraged ever before. This experience definitely had an effect on how I think about children and since that incident, kiddies are on my red list.

Whenever I see a child or several children at once without a warning, I freak out. I don't want them near me, I don't want them to breath the same air as me, I don't want to share a room with them, I want them inside their homes, faaaar away from me. I always feel the urge to hurt them in a way, even if it's only by saying that Santa isn't real. It's just like pokémon. A wild child appears, so the inevitable reaction is to throw a pokéball at it, right? And if the pokéball happens to be a book, a plate or a rock, then so be it.

My disgust towards them gets a little out of hand sometimes, which is why I associate everything that is nasty, gross and irritating with them.
The younger, the worse.

Babies are the worst of the infected. They shit, they barf, they drool, they scream, they stink and they can't do anything by themselves except for being annoying. They are like pink slime balls with eyes. Like disgusting, babbling snot-making-machines. They're just blegh.

To be fair, people like them for a reason. They CAN be adorable at times... and when a little human-thingy smiles at me with its big doll eyes that sparkle with the innocent joy of life, something in my belly goes "AAWWWWWWW!!!"... But the GOSH-IT'S-SO-CUTE!-paralysis doesn't take longer than a few seconds..

Maybe it's the responsibility that scares me. Because they are so clumsy and unknowing, they need someone around them all the time. And I don't know if I could take care of a fragile flesh-ball. I also don't think that I'd be a good father. My kids would suffer, even if I tried my best to keep 'em happy/alive.

Lion King gone wrong.

I guess I need to find a pressure-release-valve for all the negative energy that I got going on. If I don't, kids might get hurt. Like, for real. Don't let them near me!

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Oh, can you hear that? I think it's the sound of a sudden and presumptuous change of the subject!
Or maybe one of the following tunes. Let's find out! ;D

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~music time~

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Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Fear and Feels

what? WHAAAAA-?? ... TURN OFF THE FAAAAAN!!!!!

That's better. You're really suffering from the heat, aren't you? Yeah, I hate it, too. Summer itself, of course... Isn't it weird that the human race still depends on mother nature to such a large extent, even though our technology enables us to fly to the moon, create edible paper and produce/use radio waves? (#holyshitSCIENCE) It's scary how much our environment controls our everyday life!

But I guess there are a lot of things that scare me. Too many, to be honest.

I find myself being afraid of the dark, recently. That's strange, right? A tall, broad-shouldered male adult who sees things in dark places where there are none and who shits his pants due to fear because of them. And even strangerererer: I'm even more easily scared when I'm under the influence. Of whatever substance. *cough*

It often escalates into extreme paranoia.

Since most of my friends don't live in my hometown Gera anymore, I always need to go to the train station and take the train back to where I live. And needless to say, it's always dark as f*ck when I'm wandering around.

Every *pling* could be a gun, every *crack* could be someone ready to stab me to death, every shadow is a man with a huge kitchen knife (I hate knives) and/or a creepy Asian puppet-thingy that looks like the girl from 'The Grudge', only even creepier and even more child-like. God I hate those!

Children, I mean.

So I usually go nuts with my cellphone or flashlight, twisting my body so I am able to light every passage, as if danger could be killed by a beam of light from my illuminating device.

And it gets worse...

Once, a friend of mine and I went for a ride in a haunted house. It was severely boring and lame, but I still used the hands-as-holey-curtains-trick. The one where you hold your hands in front of your eyes and only peek through the slits between your fingers.

So my friend thought it would be funny to scare me in this state of anxiety and all she did was say "Boo!". It was only a stupid "Boo!" and if I remember correctly, people outside the haunted house were able to hear me screaming and squealing like a little baby pig.

Oh, the shame...

I guess you know the Paranormal Activity movies (?) I saw P.A. 3 with some friends in the cinema. The movie itself was okay and the scary parts were manageable, mainly because you're surrounded by tons of people who are as frightened as you are. (The movie is way scarier in the cinema, trust me!)
And then THAT scene came... This stupid-ass blonde chick who was hired to babysit in this hell hole of a house had the nerves to hide herself from the camera, only to jump in front of it and scare the parents (or whoever watches the tape - us, the viewers). The dumbest way to scare someone, one of the dullest things that can happen to you as a viewer in a horror movie.

And what did I do? Yes, use my god-given vocal cords of destruction and scream from the top of my lungs.

 (too lazy to draw the other viewers. I think, you get the point)

I was the only one who screamed, I think. Imagine a room of maybe 200 people collectively turning around to see who screamed that loudly at this stupid part of the movie.

SO embarrasing!

Oh, the shame...

And due to current matters, let's not forget another type of fear. Beware, it'll get slighty emotional.

To sum it all up, I created a new fear for myself. The fear of getting friend-zoned.

No matter what I do, I'm getting friendzoned. "Max, you're funny and a really nice person (ugh)

but I just didn't feel that 'spark', you know?"

(EDIT: Just skip to the music part of this post if you're annoyed by this. I'm using this blog as autotherapy again ^^'')

I did not have many dates in the past few years. I always wait and chat for several weeks or months with a guy before I meet him in real-life, just to make sure I won't meet up with a freak. The "goal" of these first (")dates(") is only to get to know the other person better. At least that's what I intend with a first date. Obviously, other guys want sparks and flames and fireworks and butterflies and chemistry and all that shit riiiiight from the get-go.

Friend-zoning is a vital thing to keep yourself distant from a person that you think could get too attached to you. It's totally okay if there is no "spark" right from the beginning and it's good to let the other person know how you feel. I just don't get why I'm always the one getting the friend-card. And why I'm the one who always has other intentions than my date-partner.

It's making me numb, really. The constant denial that I experience shatters my self-esteem and drains me out. Not only do I fear getting friend-zoned, I also fear that my big, cholesterol-clogged heart gets a fuck-off attitude.

Oh, the feels...

Forget about that last part! ... Life is good. And stuff. Let's listen to music, instead! :)

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~music time~

Let's hope that I'll get my hopes up high as temperature goes down.
First of all, let's hope that they do go down eventually! Damn, sun, don't troll us anymore! >:(

Enjoy the rest of this hot, muggy week, guys!
Greetings
~Maximiwax'*