maximiwax: Cupido's Advice

*ring ring*
Hello, this is "Cupido - there to help your libido!" How can I help you?

Umm, Hi, this is Max. I got a question.
So, Valentine's Day is just around the corner and I'm all alone.
How can I cheer myself up and not jump off a bridge
due to insufficient sexy-time?

Oh, well, first of all: Don't do that!

(Damn, these callers are desperate. Phew...)
Just think about the process - not the goal. With patience come great things!
Every man will find a woman eventually...

..But I'm g...

Shhhh! Don't say anything. I know. You're ugly, hm?
At least that's the problem of most of the guys who call me, haha!
Hey... If Sugar Bear from "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo!" can find a
hot piece of ass like Mama June, you'll find the girl of your dreams, too, someday!

Umm... hmm... Okay, thanks for the advice. Bye...

God, these people! -.-
*ring ring*
"Cupido - there to help your libido or whatever..." How may I help you, cutie-pie?

Hey, this is.. umm... Ricardo! Yeah, Ricardo.

You sound weirdly familiar. Are you the one who just called?

What? No, noooo, nonono.
I got a question. I want to get ready for the evening, you know,
with all the hump-stuff and love-crap and smoochiesmoochie-thingies.
How can I set the right mood for me and my *cough* loved one?

Oooooh, got some cheetah for the night, huh? Lucky one!
First of all: Shave. Like, everything. Nothing is sexier than a skin-coloured blob!
Next: Light a sh*itload of scented candles. The more scents you mix, the dizzier you both get.

Which means that you both don't really recognize each other anymore. Which is perfect!
Play some sexy '70s funk and get your juices flowin'!
Is that enough?

Definitely. *shudders* Bye.

RUDE! I give him, like, the best advice ever and he just hangs up on me.
Moron!...*ring ring*
"Cupido - blablabla no one loves you!" How can I help you?

Konnichiwa! This is - how you say - umm, LingLing?

Oh, to hell with you! You're the same guy from before!

What's your problem, man?!

Okay, okay, you got me. It's Max.
I think I found someone in my life. So dear to my heart.
We spent every night together. He is full of surprises
and I can always count on him, no matter what.
He gives me what I want without taking much.
It's a weird kind of love and I'm not sure if it's a healthy relationship.
What is your advice?

Awww. That's the right kind of love there, bro!
I say, GO FOR IT!

Good luck, you lovebirds! ;)
Bye!
*beep beep beep beep*

Well then. Nothing can stop me now...
You and I were made for each other. Even Cupido said so!
Come here, my true love!